Should mental health begin by understanding social anxiety?

Driving today I heard an excellent radio interview with singer Jane Hendry on the topic of her release of ‘Mirror’. The song, inspired by a poem of the same title by Sylvia Plath, is described as an expression of the “hunger for self affirmation through the saccharine veils of social media”. The studio discussion led further into matters of self esteem and the negative influence of social media as it compels people to spend time and energy checking in, responding to others and creating personal ‘stuff’ to ignite the interest of such others. I feel it’s time to recognise this fickle ‘mirror’ that has taken hold of so many lives, so frequently leading to emotional pain and physiological exhaustion.

This topic is food for serious thought, particularly at this time of October, the month of mental health awareness. To be attentive to the rise in mental health issues, we need to consider the complexities of the human mind and the existential coping strategies people employ. Stress in life leads to reactions – primarily fear and anxiety – which in turn lead to avoidance, isolation, loneliness, negative thoughts and rumination, self harm and depression, with a high risk of suicide.

I believe strongly that self esteem – lost or never found – is very likely the prime mover of these emotional reactions. The possibility of human rejection is humanity’s deepest fear. People crave the security of acceptance within their ‘tribe’ and Western society does little to provide that security. In former times, social interaction took place mostly face to face and usually with some consideration of individual circumstances and personal feelings. Any experience of social competitiveness, jealousy, criticism, judgment, rejection and exclusion can cause immense pain. There is no doubt that the ‘free for all’ manner of social interaction of today has the blatant power to instigate personal pain 24/7, at the tips of unkind fingers and insensitive minds.

In the real world, life is a mix of joy, sorrow, change, uncertainty, loss, grief, regret and achievement to name merely a few human emotional experiences. Body, mind and spirit are affected and so the mind, our rational mind, attempts to deal with these elements.
So how does the human mind respond? Do some forge ahead and deal with each issue as it occurs, riding the waves of hope and despair? Do some retreat, preserving themselves from further pain? Do people seek (or indeed risk) the comfort of personal disclosure within friendship in the manner of RUOK? Or seek professional counsel? Do people have the practical and emotional support of family? Are many very much alone in the pain that disturbs their mind? Are too many alone, left with the physically debilitating symptoms and life limitations that come with that pain? And what indeed, is that kind of pain?

One of the most common expressions of fear presents itself for many as social anxiety, perhaps the primary factor surrounding mental health disturbance. The smallest hurt can trigger great suffering, begetting the mental ‘illness’ of social phobia – an unfortunate title that carries a simplistic understanding of the compelling nature of this anxiety reaction.

There is no doubt that social phobia begins with emotional pain. This pain may be formed within early childhood or at any time of life and lived with – until personal insecurity is heightened by extraordinary stress, loss, grief or trauma. Whatever the ‘cause’, something in one’s life has raised anxiety to the point where the body begins to generate the alarming reactions surrounding panic and a sense of losing control within the mind. So follows the desire to retreat from social interaction, for fear of somehow ‘falling apart’ leading to further judgment, criticism and rejection. To preserve security and for personal protection, avoidance then becomes a way of life.

There is a warning to heed here because the more avoidance is practised, the more the tentacles of fear spread to other objects or situations: fear of any social gathering or public exposure may include the fear of eating in company, fear of writing or signing one’s name in view of another, fear of crowded places, fear of expressing oneself and any involvement in public view. And so fear gains strength, personal power diminishes and negative beliefs increase as fear invades whole of life situations: a claustrophobic fear of flying, or using elevators or public rest rooms, fear of being alone, fear of new places … and more … very likely escalating to full blown panic and potentially the agoraphobic reaction, the most lonely and life-limiting reaction of all.

I have seen this pattern time and again since I explored fear following my own experience of agoraphobia many years ago¹. And I emphasise again – anxiety as a mental illness begins as the fear of losing personal control. While it’s true to say that social anxiety and social phobia has undoubtedly existed for time immemorial, combined with 21stC pressures it is little wonder that now we hear so regularly of excessive levels of anxiety within the community, more and more incidences of depression, increased mental illness and high statistics surrounding the frequency of suicide.
Let’s understand the implications of Social Phobia. And among other measures of healing, let’s take a long hard look at the side effects of Social Media. Its name belies its purpose because this virtual interaction may well be the most anti-social medium of all.

Pauline McKinnon (c)
Melbourne, October 2018

¹In Stillness Conquer Fear: Pauline McKinnon, Garratt Publishing 1983, 2016

 

 

Some time ago the World Health Organization predicted that suicide would become the highest cause of death by the year 2020. As again we learn of several more high profile people having taken their lives, it seems that prediction has almost become a reality. Even more mystifying is that the act of suicide is very often taken by those who are seen to ‘have everything’ … prestige, economic wealth and the prospect of a successful future.

How can we as a community attempt to reverse such negativity? Questions arise.

What are the primary values of Western society today? Who could be so significant that they are deserving of excessive salaries while worthy folk struggle and some lie destitute in the streets? Why is anger so readily expressed – from road rage to newsworthy ‘incidents’ right through to domestic violence and beyond? Why are many ruining their lives and the lives of others, seeking the bliss they crave in drugs and the accompanying way of life? Why are many admitting to depression and how have these negative matters so painfully infiltrated the modern world to the extent that life for too many people has become worthless?

Attempts to normalise mental illness are liberating but there is also an accompanying risk that irrational acts are part of that normality. For many it seems life has deteriorated into a roller-coaster experience where calm reason appears to have vanished, leaving behind it a raft of pain for others including shock, bewilderment, loneliness, lack of resolution and grief.

Surely we must acknowledge that the ever-increasing expansion of technology and the expectations that brings, is somehow robbing us of humanity. Virtual tools are creating ‘virtual’ lives … lives that may remain empty of personal contact. Yes, there is medication and there is therapy. But clearly medication is not a complete answer to emotional restoration; and therapy is only successful when there is rapport and relationship between patient and therapist. And even to commence to assist or resolve this level of suffering and its surrounding hopelessness takes time and most importantly, patience – for the sufferer and therapist alike. In our fast moving world where technology promises to repair, replicate, amend at the touch of a button, new understanding of the requirements for emotional change must be recognised.

Then, with so much 21stC freedom and so little restraint, due respect – for oneself as well as to others – is also becoming scarce. It’s all too easy to judge, criticise and blame, internally and externally. And so values become trivialised and individuals, diminished. Unfortunately this lack of respect in many instances is exemplified right at the top. If all leadership would demonstrate respect, perhaps respect would regain its rightful place.

And we need courage and the ability to encourage. Though it can be challenging to really understand another’s emotional turmoil, let’s take courage and patiently and respectfully listen, knowing that any conversation with any person may be the conversation that makes or breaks an emotional situation.  So let’s readily ‘be there’, offering trust, companionship, compassion and encouragement so the downcast may glimpse the support they so desperately need – and sufficient hope to gather the strength to continue to live the life they’ve been given.

Let’s also remember where we each began – in the natural world. The seasons don’t hurry or expect more than is due. Each comes in time, bringing with it challenges as well as joys. In the crispness now of our Melbourne winter, remember that the world keeps turning, darkness passes and the leaves having fallen soon we will see again, fresh new growth. Let’s learn and exemplify the ability be still, to breathe, wait, let go and feel the living life. Let’s be leaders, not followers and set about generating some joy?

Look into another’s eyes with kindness, and touch their soul
And so two souls might lift both hearts in hope, optimism and the eternal power of love

                                                                                                                               

                                                                                                                                Pauline McKinnon (c)
Melbourne, June 2018

We are surrounded by negative news. As if the major world problems weren’t enough concern, issues of abuse appear to have been stretched beyond reason. Certainly, allegations of serious abuse of which much has been brought into light over recent years and months and weeks is valid reason for appropriate action. But I am concerned about finger pointing and the pressures put on society in general relating to apparently inappropriate actions, the highlighting of which seem to imply that all males belong to a category of doubtful repute.

I am concerned because I believe that certain over-reactions made public emphasise the need for reason – and most importantly, respect – not only to women but to all of life. What is missing in our current society? How do we understand what it means to respect, to be respected and to be respectful?

Pondering this I started to consider my father – to me, the ultimate gentleman – and I wondered how he would interpret these matters.

My father knew hard and physical work from childhood. He and his siblings lived through the Great Depression, endured family instability, survived financial disasters and he was largely self- educated. Because he had the misfortune to lose his hearing in his early twenties, a lot of his life was spent in isolation. Spare time was devoted to reading, mostly quality literature and works relating to philosophical pondering. He was sensitive, non-judgmental, patient and tolerant at all times, quite reserved though with a keen sense of humour. If pushed, his strongest verbal explosion could occasionally contain the word damn and although he was not a regular church goer, he upheld the best of those values. In short my father enjoyed the metaphorical ability to ‘walk with kings and keep the common touch’. Most of all I believe my father emanated and taught respect – a word that to me, is largely conspicuous by its absence within the current articles and editorials laid before us each day.

Perhaps fortune smiled on me in having my dad as a primary example of male behaviour. And yet my first work experience was in the office of a printing factory that employed a significant majority of men including many young apprentices. In my several years in that office, dealing with all who came by, never did I experience an inappropriate word or action from any man. When I left there to work in real estate, by then a little more life experienced, the workplace was professional at all times and nothing untoward ever occurred. And in the three years prior to marriage and family as a PA in a peaceful and efficient environment of some thirty management consultants all of whom were male, my fond recollections are those of working with gentlemen and enjoying the gift of mutual respect.

The 21st century has brought many privileges but privilege carries obligation. Technology and science give us freedom and information, but these gifts must also be deferred to. As a society we face many problems to solve including those of refugees, our indigenous people, environmental issues, gangs and criminal activities and all kinds of violence. Surely it is only through respect – starting right at the top – meaning all government representation, and grandparents and parents that our values can be raised peacefully to address these issues and seek the betterment and benefit of all. And the media must also take responsibility – especially the media – which permits exposure to violence ranging from real life stories through to facile comedy and lucrative advertising that promotes aggression (for example the desire for powerful cars), along with demeaning portrayals of daily life that trivialize and set the wrong example to all age viewers.

On that note, just last week in the Melbourne news appeared the strategy of involving the police to teach online safety to kindergarten children and beyond – another aspect of the trials our world is now experiencing. Kindergarten children? To be taught by police? Where are their parents – and most importantly, their parents’ values?

What has happened to courtesy … to graciousness, dignity, kindness, to considered rapport between all people … to the essence of respect? And how can we cultivate meaningful attitudes to replace whatever it is that society has lost in these challenging times.
Yes, it’s true, 21st century times have changed. But is it change for the better? Obviously not. And what kind of excuse is that anyway? Something important is missing and in need of reinvention. It’s time to consider life issues with discernment. And that’s a task for adults and one to teach their children … with serenity and through calm control.

Pauline McKinnon
Melbourne, February 2018