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Courtesy, discipline and respect

In our busy new world have we forgotten three small words?

At a time when ‘enquiries’, ‘task forces’ and Royal Commissions proliferate, I’d like to begin improving all our many societal issues by doing it slightly differently. While all those are worthy of attention, I can’t help wondering whether their complex ponderings and costly outcomes are rather like having new furniture delivered before we’ve established the family or even completed the building construction. We’re not going to fix the environment, or integrate indigenous people, or cut greenhouse gas, or fuel emissions, or save water, or address the problem of family violence or criminal activities or even modify serious health issues until we retrieve a community that upholds societal values.

Rather than wasting time on gastronomical extravaganzas or multitudinous movies to watch, could we not encourage three ideals to lift our collective game: chill out with some courtesy, dive into a little discipline and saturate ourselves in the sensation of respect – and maybe a little kindness for ourselves and for others. Read more

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Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – a reflection

From the time I went public with my own story, to the similar stories we hear in our work at the SMTC today, my colleagues and I are well versed in the governing limitations of anxiety.

One of those limitations is the diagnosed condition of OCD – obsessive, compulsive disorder.  Here are a couple of extracts from my story – In Stillness Conquer Fear, circa 1983.

“Acceptance of the existence of anxiety in life is realistic. But to accept a specific label for oneself according to that anxiety is practically to accept the accusation of personal limitation. Today, people are categorised as having anxiety disorder, social phobia, agoraphobia or obsessive compulsive disorder.  Such categorisation may be diagnostically useful to the clinician. But I find that these labels are rarely helpful to individuals who have, for unknown reason, developed unhelpful, defensive habits. Read more

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Childhood magic, magic of life …

What’s it like to be a kid?  Can you remember?

Roll back the years for a bit … to recall being about 7 years old again … and from those recollections, who do you think you have grown into now?

We’re all different beings but our beginnings set the scene for the person we eventually become.
Read more

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STILLNESS: The space between the words

After a couple of blogs on the power of words, and how we are influenced by the words we talk to our self about, I thought it would be interesting here to have a look at something about the space between all those words.

For instance, iftherewerenospacesbetweenourwordsyouprobablywouldnothavethefaintestideaofwhatIamwritinghere … and you wouldn’t have the patience to read on!

If we all spoke in one long unfinished sentence we would be incomprehensible, too – as if speaking in tongues, or speaking a very foreign language – or creating even more than a stream of consciousness as James Joyce wrote in Ulysses.  (Even he managed to leave spaces between his words in that masterpiece!)

And yet, think about that.  Using the example of our hasty texting today, unless we take the time and trouble to care, the sense is pretty much like that long gobbledegook above … an example … were will u b or …  I met to sa i kant b ther … and far worse, too.  This means, of course, that the writer of the text is in a big rush – and is really not caring; and the recipient of the text immediately becomes rushed too, and very likely becomes very frustrated by having to take the trouble to interpret the message.  So space means everything when it comes to communication.

But even more importantly, space means a great deal in the whole of life. Read more

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The power of words: self talk – to harm or to heal?

Last month I wrote about the power of words and how the words that surround us can uplift or destroy the moment.

But what about the conversations we hold with our self … in other words, our self-talk. Self talk is present with us all, a collection of things we are involved in or a jumble of random suggestions accumulated over time. Unfortunately very often the thoughts we present to ourselves are not helpful.

A great deal is written and argued upon about the way we are thinking and the strong influence of negative thinking. And there’s also lots written about positive self-talk in a bid to counteract the power of the negative. The general conclusion on the topic of self-talk is that our negative internal discussions may well lead to depression, anxiety, dis-ease and a sense of worthlessness. Let’s look at the how and why behind self-talk, because its’ existence, in reality, all relates to the history of information given to us. Read more

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The Power of Words

Raise your words
Not your voice.
It is rain that grows flowers,
Not thunder.

The Persian Master, Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī gives much food for thought, and for action.  Rumi has been described in recent times as the most popular poet in the United States with translations of his works spread throughout many parts of the world.  Like the works of all sages, from these words, something in our own life may shift a little – and change for the better. Read more

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Anxiety and the need for perfection: a Q&A session

Over the years I’ve covered many questions and answers personally, in my books and via the internet.  When anxiety is high, there is always a quest for more reassurance, more information and more certainty.

Here’s a recent interchange between me and a special client who made a long trip to Melbourne to spend a week experiencing SMT. Read more

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What can we offer you for 2015?

Sometimes we’re asked what we actually do here!   So as we commence this New Year, let’s give you an overview of the power of Stillness Meditation Therapy.

We first get to know our client – and allow that person to get to know us a little, too.  Here’s an example of first meeting.  Read more

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Peace on Earth – is communication the key?

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
George Bernard Shaw
Though that’s a fairly profound statement, somehow I’m reminded of the old song and the familiar lines of disagreement … Read more

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Change without Fear Tips

5 Easy Tips for Change without Fear

I recently came across a witty little sign at a Cafe counter that said: “If you don’t like change, we’ll have it”.  It is a clever way of asking for tips and I’m sure many of their customers like me appreciated their sense of humour by leaving them some loose change.

What is even more clever, is that they have honed in on something that just about everyone fears at one time or another.  The vintage coffee pot they have as a tip jar is always full; a sure sign that lots of people don’t like change!

Change, of the ‘other’ variety, is one of those things, isn’t?  We all want it or recognise the need for it at various stages of our life, yet very few of us find the process easy.  We might imagine how much better our life would be if things were different and while the end result is appealing and desirable, making the necessary changes to get us there, is often difficult, challenging and even fearful.

The prospect of making changes and ‘new beginnings’ as a brand new year approaches is exciting and promising as many of us make a list of our ‘resolutions’!   But what are New Year resolutions about anyway?

When you think about it, it is usually all about doing more or less of something or trying something new – work less, spend more time with family; read more books; travel more; eat healthier; stop smoking (or drinking!); worry less;  exercise more; be more assertive; be less aggressive, take up pottery,  do more gardening, go parachuting, etc.  All of which require change – change of habits, change of routine, change in the way we think, behave or feel.    No wonder most of these resolutions are ‘broken’ very soon into the new year.   Because change is difficult at the best of times; and big changes are even more so if we have been ‘stuck’ in a particular pattern for a long time.

That does not mean that we avoid change; but rather than trying to change the world from one day to the next so to speak, why not take little steps to changing little habits that won’t necessarily make or break you. Why would you want to do that you may ask, if it won’t make any difference to my life?  Well, it’s all about getting ‘unstuck’; getting used to the concept of change – re-wiring your mind if you like, to accept things differently, to break your routine and habits in small ways so that the significant changes you want to make won’t be so scary.

So here are five easy steps to change without fear and without waiting for the new year to start!

• walk on the opposite side of the road than the one you are used to.  You will be amazed at how different everything looks, even your own street.  It opens up a new perspective of your neighbourhood and suddenly you’re thinking new thoughts!
• buy a new brand of toothpaste (or something else you routinely buy).  Instead of reaching for the same old brand without thinking about it, stop, have a look at what else is available and you’re taking a little step to changing a habit
• take a new route to work, school or your local shops.  Whether you walk, drive, cycle, or use public transport, there’s bound to be another way of getting there; again shaking up your routine in a small way
• If you ‘always’ have the same thing for lunch (or breakfast), consciously decide to have something else.  Again, you will be breaking a habit, re-igniting brain neurons to take a different path and in the process you might discover something much better than what you’ve been used to
• Tune in to a different radio station.  Yes, you might like ‘your’ particular presenter, or the music they play or the talk-back or whatever else you might be attached to.  But how much harm would it do, if you got to know another radio station and other presenters, or even different music?  You might like it better, and you will be sending a little message to your brain, that you’re open for change!!

There are countless other ways you can begin to introduce small changes into your life that are not scary or challenging and doing something outside of your routine often, will set you up in the right frame of mind for the big, important changes.   I realise that listening to a different radio station is not the same as getting out of a bad relationship for example, but you’re learning to listen to a different frequency that can carry through to other areas of your life; you’re opening up to new ways of thinking, of expression, opinions and different points of view.

Sometimes life throws us curve balls and change, big change even, is unavoidable if not forced upon us, no matter how much we want things to stay as they are.  But if we train ourselves to embrace small changes into our daily life, we can handle the bigger changes with less stress and fear.   Lots of small change in that vintage coffee pot eventually builds to a significant amount that has impact.

In John Wyndham’s words :

“The essential quality of life is living; the essential quality of living is change; change is evolution: and we are part of it”  (The Chrysalids by John Wyndham)

NOTE: For specific advice on change without fear we strongly recommend you read “Living Calm in a Busy World” by Pauline McKinnon; in particular Chapter 6: “The Steps to Change”


© Lucy Louca, Melbourne, December 2014

Please get in touch if you want to book a session and commence your journey to Change without Fear.

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